Intent

This post is inspired by V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #27: Intent

Turning the Page

Decades tethered spider-like
to needy souls
Absorbing the self.
No more.

Navigating a fresh path
With intent to renew the spirit
Lost for so long
Buried but not forgotten.

Uncovering
The quiet.
The peaceful.
The spark.

Liberating the authentic
Allowing time to…
Sit still.
Breathe…
Behold…
and…

Read the entire paper
over coffee.
Or not.

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Titles

This post is inspired by V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #26: Titles
(need to select from your own work, enough titles, in the order you created them, to find new meaning)

From the earliest to the latest – a few titles…

 

spring has sprung…
Memorial Day.
The Whole darn Bunch,
The Biggest Change.

Diaries Revisited – September.
The Day Everything Changed…

Falling. Shuffle.
Attention.
Seventy-nine messages…
Comfort, Sacrifice
Memories…Contact
Un-lived lives
…Tranquil.

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Un-lived Lives

This post is inspired by V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #25: Un-lived Lives

 

Un-lived Life Messages

 

Come here.
Let me give you a big hug. 0222100832 copy
Tell me about your day.
I am so happy to see you.

I am having some problems.
I know I look sad

But
I will find someone to help me.
It’s not your fault.

Everything will be okay.
Even on bad days

I will take care of you.

My goodness don’t worry about me.
Please.
I am the grownup.
It’s my job to do the grownup things.
And fix the grownup problems.

I see that you are angry.
At me.
And you’re crying!
Why?
You don’t know?
Okay. Let’s talk about it.

Yes, you can tell me anything
Even when you are angry.
Even when you are sad.
I may get angry too.
Very angry.
And it will be all right.

Because I will always love you.

No matter what.

I promise.

Deviation

This post is inspired by V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #24:  Deviation

 

Which way?

Deciding.
A constant struggle.
When drilled to
Never stray.
Never deviate.
Playing the part
Paralyzed.

That knot in my gut
For years
Warning me
Within the haze
To take a different path.
Safety
Just an imposter.

Which way?

To face the fear
Finally.
Finding the courage
And strength
To discover that
Old realities
Were in fact
A fragile fantasy.

Choosing
A new search for why.
Predictably
Becoming the bull’s eye
For anger.
For arrows of shame.
Exiled.

Finally
Just
Grateful.
The cloud lifting
While there’s still time.

jan 13, 2011

Sacrifice

This post is inspired by:

V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #22: Sacrifice

 

I’ve sacrificed everything for you. Do you know why? Do you?

Angry words hurled into the air.
Exploding like firecrackers.

Over a terrified child
Who doesn’t understand
Except it must be bad.
Mother’s face twisted up.
Angry.
Red.
Eyes slits. 
The child stands mute.
Mouth dry. No words escape. 

Because I love you! That’s why.

The child’s voice finally bubbles up out of a pot of guilt
and confusion and fear.
A mantra for many years.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
My fault. My fault. My fault.

The child was learning what sacrifice meant.

~~~~~~

Conscious Sacrifice

We must teach our children its true value.
Its true spirit.
Giving up of something valuable to help someone else.

Someone else.

No matter who they are.
No matter what they look like.
No matter where they live.

To give up time, energy, money or…the ultimate sacrifice.
To help. To protect. 
Without expecting something in return.
Without complaint.
Without judgment.
Without bartering for love.

We must teach our children…
To make conscious decisions
for all human kindness…

With humility and true grace.

tom august 1990 gpc beach

 

 

 

 

Veil

This post is inspired by:

V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #21: Veil

As If

Veils deceive.
Camouflage. Conceal.
Disguise. Hide.
Cover up.
But not forever.

Cloaked in flimsy sheerness
Secrets slither from splits.
Haunting. Horrific. Hazy.
If you dare to peer inside
For a brief moment.
Which you rarely do.
For close to a lifetime.

Family behind a curtain.
Membrane wrapped tight
Barely concealing fear.
Hiding guilt.
And shame.

Perpetuating the as if.
As if there is kindness.
As if there is love.
As if there is trust.
As if this is real.

Finally
Binding frayed
Disintegrated
One’s veil yanked away.
Left alone. Unmasked.
Exposed.

Nowhere to look
But straight at the light.
Pain. Loss. Truth.

Rebirth

night sky

River

This post is inspired by:

V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #20: River

I wish I had a river to skate away on….

Joni Mitchell

 

Back in 1971, when Joni Mitchell’s album Blue was released, I spent the summer working at a conference center 6 hours away from home. I worked mostly alongside other 17 and 18 year olds from around the country. It was a desperation move on my part to go so far away. For my own sanity. Constantly wishing for a “river to skate away on,” I finally got it that summer.

Although I didn’t fully realize it at the time, that summer was life changing. I shared a small room in the staff house with 3 other girls…I’m still close friends with one. I worked in the office. They were waitress/housekeepers. Rustic cabins. Barn dances. Dining hall. A beautiful lake. Staff parties. Work and play all in one.

The album Blue (which contains River) – as well as Carole King’s Tapestry – formed the backdrop of those weeks away. By summer’s end, I knew every single word of every single song. Even now I still do. Like a time machine.

There was always something about the lyrics from River that reached deep in my gut. I’d sing along in my shaky, slightly off key adolescent  voice…feeling every bit of the not-yet-understood longing and cloudy sadness that was to plague me for years. But in those moments I was comforted. I did not feel alone. Someone else understood. And voiced what I could not.

That’s what fine lyrics will do. For teenagers finding their way. Fighting to stay afloat. In a family like mine.

…I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
Oh I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly…