Shreds

~ oneletterup

Inspired by V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #69: kindle

How do you ignite motivation when stalled? Or perhaps, you perceive need for a kickstart elsewhere.

~~~


To write or not to write?
That is the question.

Well, not the entire question.

To procrastinate or not to procrastinate?
That is the real question.

How to get past that pile of crap sometimes planted squarely in the way…

How to ignite a dormant fraction of an idea that briefly appears – and perhaps even feels momentarily brilliant…before it evaporates in a mist of uncertainty? Ghostly voices echoing unimportant not good enough who cares…before sinking it into the muck of inertia.

So I plod on, searching for the proper mix of kindling.
To ignite…to spark.
To silence the ghosts.

To harness the energy in such short supply.

My current mantra…
Hold on.
Begin.
One sentence at a time.
The purpose will make itself known…

…When I was in college I wrote every day. Didn’t think twice about it. Not just research papers. Or chemistry lab reports. But a personal journal with a jet black cover given to me by a girlfriend – a full size sketch book.

Fresh kindling tumbled forth without fail…plenty of sparks back then…filling pages…line by line.

Questioning. Worrying. Wondering. Planning.
What if? Why not? Why now? How will I? Should I? Oh no.

Careful script or hurried scrawl. Grand calligraphy moments of introspection.
Unfiltered and often painful, it was all there…

This past summer, I revisited – and read – what I had written decades ago.

Pages of words to heal.

Their purpose…fulfilled.

shreds long

Time to let them go.

Published by oneletterup

24 thoughts on “Shreds”

  2. It is interesting to go back and read “old stuff”. I have purged my fair share. I had to smile at the opening – that procrastination in the culprit. Amazing the amount of debris can come between me and a task I’ve set for myself.
    Love your mantra.

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  3. Aw…cathartic shredding. In school you did what Julia Cameron suggests to do in the Art’s Way – the 3-morning pages every day helps an artist sort through the clutter to find their way to their art. I think you do very well in all of your posts. You have a gift, continue nurturing it! PS – did you find anything in those journals that came true that surprised you?

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    1. Thank you so much! It was an interesting trip through those journals to say the least. Yes, a few things came true. And there were issues back then that still remain issues! Not too many actual surprises though.

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      1. You’re welcome. I never wanted to write things down in the past for fear someone would find the books if I died before shredding them. After doing morning pages, I’ve found the benefit of them outweighs that fear. Sounds like you know yourself well, and that’s a good thing too.

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  5. “So I plod on, searching for the proper mix of kindling.” There are days when I find it hard to light the flame, and there are days where it is all consuming… I have to remind myself how important it is to find balance in my writing life, and accept that without taking time away to live, there will be no flame…
    Loved your response to the challenge.

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  6. I had a private journal also in my early twenties which included diary-form writing, but also drawings and interesting quotes and insights about life… My then partner decided to read it without permission and throw it in my face during our break-up. Fine soul he was. I threw it away in anger, but now wish I could see it again and reflect on the past “ME”.
    “One sentence at a time. The purpose will make itself known…” This is really interesting. When I write my poetry, I don’t know where I’m going until the end. I just have to start and it comes. 🙂

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    1. Oh no! An invasion of privacy like that is the worst kind of betrayal. It is really too bad you don’t still have it – it was quite an experience for me to read back through all that. The young woman I was worked through so much by writing. And perhaps the whole purpose was for the older me to have a clearer window into what was…to let it go if I hadn’t already. Not entirely sure, but I figure there’s a reason I pulled that journal out of the pile and read though it one last time. And yes, when I start a story it often takes on a life of its own 🙂

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  7. Oooo! You did, you shredded them? I have them right here in Tuscany, my diaries, I wouldn’t leave them in my ex home in the old country like I left other memories. I didn’t wish anybody ever reads them. I don’t read them here, but I don’t wish to annihilate them either.

    I like to say that I’m a would-be writer who would be a writer if I wrote. And then I don’t…

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    1. I only shredded the parts I was ready to say goodbye to – and the parts that nobody else ever needed to see! It took me a long time to make that decision. I have many more diaries and journals left.
      If you start writing – anything at all – you are a writer 🙂

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